These Quotes Are Guaranteed to Get ‘Em Giggling

Let these 10 quotes from some of the world’s most famous—and funniest—comedians bring a smile to your friend or family’s face. Whether they’re having a bad day or simply enjoy a good chuckle every now and then, sending a joke via Lifetime Wishes is a way to not just make your loved one laugh, but also let them know you’re thinking about them.

What’s more, we worked hard to find comedic quotes from the likes of Woody Allen, Chris Rock, and Amy Schumer that you likely haven’t heard before, meaning your wish is more apt to be received with a real-life LOL rather than an “I’ve heard this one already” eye roll.

Ready to get giggling? Here are a few that had us in fits:

“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day in my fort.” –Zach Galifianakis

“According to most studies, people’s no. 1 fear is public speaking. No. 2 is death … This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.” –Jerry Seinfeld

“Some people say, ‘Never let them see you cry.’ I say, ‘If you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.’” –Tina Fey

“I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it’s hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.” –Larry David

“Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television.” –Woody Allen

“There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.” –Chris Rock

“I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it.” –Jack Handey

“No, I don’t want to follow you on Twitter. I don’t want to see you in real life, why would I want to follow you in the imaginary one?” –Amy Schumer

“When life gets you down, make a comforter.” –Bo Burnham

“Life is a struggle, and if you should feel really happy, be patient: this will pass.” –Garrison Keillor

Send a smile—Send Lifetime Wishes today